September 23, 2010
short dude loves meat and pussy

I’m at the club tonight, excited to see one of my favorite acts live at the beginning of a festival’s worth of good music. It’s between sets and I’m walking back towards the door when I see a scruffy, buff short guy smiling at me. I’m moving towards him and the exit when another guy goofily dances right into me, knocking water onto me as I try to sidestep him and his big, messy apology. I’m a little wet so I pull off to the side to compose myself - conveniently next to the short guy.

He leans over and says “If you want I can hit him.” I laugh and tell him it’s no big deal and then he’s right in there asking my name and what part of town I live in. We’re talking a bit about the music we’re hearing when a lady with big tits and lots of make up comes up. And it’s obvious she’s with him. He introduces me to his wife, who takes his drink order and goes off again and then he’s right next to me again, rubbing up against my arm, asking more questions. I dunno, he’s cute - maybe they’re swingers? I’d touch her titties if I could taste his dick - he really is that cute.

Eventually he says “so is my gaydar reading right?” and I say, yeah, it is. He asks where my partner is and I explain I’m one of those serial monogamists in between boyfriends. That’s when he mentions that he’s known his wife since they were both 15, and that they’ve been married for 10 years. Seventh Day Adventists. Ooooh. That explains the wholesomeness factor.

I tell him that actually I thought he might be gay too. That his openess and big smile made me think he was hitting on me. I don’t look like his wife, but I’m a little chunky like she is. Maybe he likes some cushion for his pushin’? He says I remind him of a gay friend of his and assures me he’s straight but not too vehemently. Uh huh. The wife comes back with the cocktails and we start talking about her being a third generation vegetarian when he belts out “I love meat and pussy!” Ha! The wife and I look at each other and I say “that’s all you, buddy.”

Needless to say I did not hook up with the married couple. But he’s got a festival pass just like I do. Maybe on Saturday, when he’s left the wife at home (I could tell she was bored), when he’s had a few beers, maybe then I’ll dance beside him, letting our arms touch, a hand on the back between songs. Seems to happen every time I go out dancing - some bro wants to walk on the mild side, for just a touch and just for a set. Cool by me, brah.

  1. cub-confessional posted this